Chapter Four: BFNs.
After countless times of calculating my Modular Credits (MC) in order to graduate, I have realised taking four or five modules were (again) impossible for this semester as I need to keep up with my MC. Then, I have made the decision to take six modules again. I thought to myself, I have taken six modules in the previous semester and survived, I think I can do this…
Moving onto another chapter of my life: pregnancy.
We weren’t planning on gettting pregnant anytime soon mainly because I was busy with uni and I wasn’t confident enough to raise a child while still studying, or so I thought.
As it turned out, I was horribly wrong.
2019 was the year I called as having a “baby fever”. I think this happened because I felt the pressure of having a baby whenever my relatives (especially annoying Aunties) kept asking “When are you having a baby, Mia?” or “Aren’t you pregnant yet?”. Then I always answered with the biggest lie I have ever came up with, “No auntie, I am not ready yet since I am still studying.” They bought it of course.
The negativity of marriage started to show itself this year because other people expect us to conceive straight away. At that time, I truly felt the struggle of other couples who are also having trouble conceiving. To this day, I feel that pregnancy is a sensitive topic.
To have this so-called “baby fever” was every women’s fear, including mine. Which mostly involves with constantly Google-ing every pregnancy symptoms, checking pregnancy tests every month and the mindset of “Oh, my period’s late, I must be pregnant!”
Ten pregnancy tests later, the result have always been the same…a BIG FAT NEGATIVE.
The struggle of trying to conceive was real and I thought to myself, “Am I struggling because I’m infertile?”
Although I was struggling to keep up with the other part of my life, I was doing well with assignments and examinations. I handed in my assigments on time and studied while trying to keep the negativity on the back of my mind. My husband kept on comforting me, telling me that everything will be okay and I do not have to worry about anything aside from focusing on my study for now.
Examination results were released via email some time on mid May 2019 and I was quite happy with my result. Managed to raise my CGPA by 0.08. Lol. Then, it was time for the semester break and the three months holiday filled with unproductivity began.